Friday, October 17, 2008

18 years worth of reflections

This already sounds too much like a high school paper so I'll try to spare you from all the crap, but then I still have to tell you my story, so here goes nothing..

I was born 11:58 pm on October 18, 1990.

I had a major operation at 9 months and a minor operation when I was 3. You can say that I'm a really lucky kid to survive all that. But I think, everyone's lucky to have me.

I kept most to myself when I was a kid, I loved puzzles and books.

My whole childhood was all smiles, I'm proud to say I had a happy childhood, happily boring that is to be told here, so I'm just breezing through.

I went to Matina Preschool and Values School for my primary education both schools we partly owned so I went there for free. I was a natural in school, I made everything look easy and boring. I graduated class valedictorian mostly because there were only 10 of us who graduated.

High school, I was in for a rude awakening. They said it was a jungle out there, and I got my jungle all right! And I sure made it into more of a jungle than it was supposed to be.

First year was a breeze. I never knew I was so good at socializing. I was popular, smart, everyone loved me, at least in my section. That was all that mattered in a school of 8000. You had all the social cliques right there in a class of 50 people. And in our case, we were much better off, being in the pilot section in our batch, everyone looked up to us.

The years to follow, I started taking crap from people and then I decided to fade into the murky background of my high school canvass. I gave up my stint in the student government, the science club, I like hell didn't care what I got for grades. That was when I got to know the greatest people I have ever met.

These were the best years, for the first time I could say that I was happy. I found my niche right there in a group so unlikely of me to be found in. We goofed around and slacked off on all our projects. My crowd entered a room and we owned it. We laughed our heads off, sing nonsensical songs with our own made up lyrics and exuded an aura of carefreeness.. if there never was such a word, then it would have been invented to describe us.We were accused of plenty of things, like being shallow and downright mean. But what was that I said again? Oh yeah. We really didn't care.

I had pretty good vantage from where I was at that point. I saw things for what they truly were, thanks to a good friend and mentor. I learned to spit at the face of convention, wave my middle finger and swear. And I found that this wasn't such a bad thing to do, given what we had, we were doing everyone a favor, getting them to snap out of all the prosthetic and the fake.

I got to do plenty of things that I loved to do, like singing. Ever since I can remember, I always got lost in the music. So I was glad that I got formal music education by singing in a choir. I looked up to our conductor, he taught me plenty of valuable lessons. He once told me to never stop singing because it's one of the things that you will continue doing in heaven. I never was one for talking about heavenly things but that got me into thinking.

There were times when ambition got in the way of my happiness but I got over that. And it just made me love life more.

Graduation came and some major disappointments. I was surprised at how I beat myself up for not making it to the list, considering what I've been doing, not even divine intervention can save me from with honors hell. I guess I just didn't want to disappoint my parents, but they never were disappointed in me, they knew I was good at what I do and I just ended up disappointing myself. They were always so proud of me and it sucked big time for not having given them even that to be proud of.

College years came and I needed a fresh start, everyone went their separate ways and I was suddenly on my own on this all new venture. I really needed to start from scratch, I didn't know anyone from the program I chose and I certainly didn't have anything to brag about my high school days except that I got 99+ on the NCAE, i guessed that ought to count for something, not everyone is equipped with the whole package up there, but then again, no one really took that exam seriously not even me.I slept through most of it. So, with one hand in my pocket and a scholarship slip on the other (a plus I didn't expect), I enrolled in UP.

I spent most of my first semester wandering around like a zombie, I never really was myself, and I missed everyone like hell. I was wondering where my old self went, the loud, and confident-verging-on-cocky one. I have always been such a klutz but still I was always so sure of myself. I was aware that I've become just an ephemeral presence, present in the closeup but not in the bigger picture.

A few semenders later and I finally warmed up to the idea that I got a bunch of friends here that do get me. And they just might be the best bloc in the world, might even be the best batch in the world that could have ever happened to me. And given that, I'm really thankful.

And that's what I've been up to the past 18 years, in general that is. I've had plenty of highs, done plenty of things you're not supposed to be proud of, but this is how I wanted everything to happen, letting the chips fall where they may, trying everything, just that for the most part, I am happy. If I hadn't known better, I would have made plenty of deletions, so easy like I did with parts of my writing today, but now I understand that with every moment gone, another chapter of my life has been published, and in reality, with no further editions.

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